Monday, December 5, 2011

Feeling Myself Drifting Away

For some reason I find myself feeling so lost.  I can't seem to find a way out of this infertility world.  I feel myself drifting away from reality.  I don't want anything to do with anybody.  I could easily see myself holed up in my house for weeks and not caring that I'm not out with friends.  I have friends soon due to give birth to their precious babies, and all I want to do is stay as far away from them as possible.  I am so happy for their joy, but it is a reminder of what I can't seem to have.  I feel as though my infertility has become a loser sentence.  I had a few friend who were great at letting me know they cared, and that they were praying and thinking of us, but as this journey keeps getting longer, those friends become less and less.  I don't understand.  I know it may be hard to be friends with somebody who seems to be stuck in this chapter, but are we not suppose to have friends who care?  I feel like my friends have basically decided that "hey, I was okay with supporting you for about 6 months of this 'infertility' thing, but it's carried on long enough.  Just hurry up and have your baby and move on with our dumb life."  I am sure they really don't mean that, and what really is happening is that because this has been so long and things seem to keep going from bad to worse they really have no idea how to love and support us.  I will say that I don't fully know myself, but one way is not to ignore us.  How about leave a quick message every once in awhile just so I know that I'm not alone.  I feel myself drifting away, and I don't want to be.  

I found this today while surfing through Pinterest, which I rarely do.  I was almost instantly brought to tears.  I couldn't have said it better.

I Would Give It All

The young one there,
The overwhelmed 
The one that doesn't want.
It seems so easy.
These all choose to end it.

I would give it all
Give it all for the chance
The chance to hold you
Hold you in my arms forever

I pick myself up
I move forward.
All for a missing line.

Out of nowhere
The first time
The accident
It seems so easy
Hold the complaints


I would give it all
Give it all for the chance
The chance to hold you
Hold you in my arms forever

I pick myself up
I move forward.
All for a missing line

I want to know what it's like
To have our love multiplied
To hold in our hands
A dream we brought to life.


I would give it all
Give it all for the chance
The chance to hold you
Hold you in my arms forever.

I would give it all
To know what it's like
I would give it all
For the chance to hold you
I would give it all
To bring our dream to life

I would give it all






3 comments:

  1. I love this song and have posted it twice over the past year of blogging to my blog. I think I know how you feel some days.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think about you often. I know we don't really know each other, and I have yet to go through half of all the heartache and disappointment you have, but I feel like I am already in a similar place, isolation wise.

    My TTC has not been too serious yet, but I have been trying to get this horrific beast called endo to relax and give me some relief for what seems like FOREVER.

    I, too, feel like everyone has pretty much given up. It's hard when your reality is so heart wrenching. You can't escape it. And others don't understand that.

    Please know that you are not alone. There are tons of women who follow you here and care and worry and have so much support to offer.

    I hope you can find some peace and joy this Christmas season. You are in my prayers.

    xx

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank you Rebecca, it is nice to have people who understand

    EndoJoanna-thanks for your kind words. I wouldn't wish all these problems on my worst enemy, and it saddens me that you can understand, but I am so grateful for your understanding and support.

    ReplyDelete

There was an error in this gadget