I have been not healing well from my last infection. It feels like all I do is lay around in bed trying to sleep and I am sick and tired of it. I've been put on new medicine for this infection in hopes that it will finally go away. While I have been stuck in bed I have done a lot of thinking. I know we are reaching an end to this journey and I've been trying to figure out what to do.
It was time to sit down with my husband and discuss what was going on. We needed to face the reality that I have only one ovary sort of producing follies, and a uterus that is daily becoming a more horrible to grow a baby in. It was time to have a conversation about our thoughts in IUI and IVF and surrogacy. When we first began this journey we knew that our beliefs did not line up with IVF or surrogacy. There are so many reasons why we don't believe it. We hold nothing against those that choose to do it, and we understand that we are not playing God, because in the end God can decide to make it work or not. Having an IUI was something we never really discussed much. I guess we were both optimistically thinking we wouldn't ever have to worry about it, but we are at that point.
It has been a long and emotional time, but we made a choice. In the end we both agree we don't want to do IUI. This decision has not been an easy one to get to, but it has been made, and we both finally feel right about it. I think that hardest part of making this choice is having so many friends tells us that we are wrong. I have a former infertile friend, who after adopting 4 kids (all siblings) still wanted to keep trying for her own, who basically shut down our reasons as stupid. It bugs me. I don't understand why our choice not to try some things makes it so so called friends suddenly have to give their opinion as a fact and as the way we should do things.
Isn't this our life. Isn't the most important thing what my husband and I believe is right for us. Why does our choice not to do IUI or IVF make us suddenly less infertile? Does it really mean we lack understanding and true desire for our own biological kids? I tell you it does not.
I am sick of others giving their opinions when they really don't understand what is like have to face the reality of our lack of ability to have our own children everyday. I don't want anymore offers from people to carry my baby. When I say I won't do surrogacy, please don't talk to me as if I don't really understand what surrogacy is. When I say I won't do IVF or an IUI I don't want to be told how my beliefs are wrong. I get so tired of people talking to me, or at me, as though I don't know what these procedures are. Do they really think I haven't done any research?
The decisions on what we should do are between my husband and me. My doctor and my RE help us get more information and clarity on the research we have done. I wish people would just support us and our decisions until of telling us that we are just giving up and not doing enough. I'm tired of hearing it and I won't put up with it anymore.