Saturday, January 4, 2014

Goal in Sight!

I apologize for not blogging much.  It's been weird to think about writing about my pregnancy.  I've had mixed feelings on what to write.  I haven't exactly had an easy pregnancy, but despite all that baby has been safe and that has been all that mattered to me.  I don't want to sound like I'm complaining so I've just not written about what has gone on at all.  I've realized that isn't right.  I should be able to express and talk about what my experience has been like without fear of being seen as ungrateful.

My nausea has never settled, but thankfully I have been able to control the vomiting part.  For that I am very grateful.  I can deal with a queasy stomach but the massive vomiting episodes were very painful and I'm glad they ended, however they are now starting to come back.  I will just appreciate the break I had and the fact that at least it's not every day.

A few days shy of 30 weeks I ended up in L&D because of bleeding & fluid loss.  While all hooked up on everything I was informed I was also having contractions.  Thanks to endo giving me a high pain tolerance I had no idea I was having any.  Everything checked out ok.  We still never got an answer to what the fluid or bleeding was, but I was sent home and put on a modified bed rest.  This was shortly before my shower, so my poor husband had to rush around to get the house cleaned all while working full time and preparing for a work trip.

My shower was wonderful. I will admit I was saddened by the fact that a lot of people didn't come simply because they didn't want to make the trip.  I had a lot of people who couldn't come because of work/sickness/other commitments and those were sad as well, but I can understand those reasons.  I was very frustrated though that so many people simply didn't want to make the drive.  The drive I have made many times for them for weddings/showers/bdays/graduations/visits/holidays.   I've never asked people to drive to see me before, but for this once in a lifetime thing I asked and they just couldn't do it.  The day of the shower came and I was able to easily let that disappointment go.  I just focused on the fact that I was surrounded by friends and family who fully love me and my family and who fully appreciated the miracle that Samantha is.

I've had a lot of aches and pains, but rarely speak openly about them.  I have this lovely SPD pain that is getting unbearable if I were to be honest.  My back spasms have been terrible and the contractions are getting to be very painful and I've been fighting with those for a long time now.  I'm so bored with not being able to do much.  I am grateful for my wonderful husband who has stepped up to help with the cooking.  I originally had a goal to make meals ahead of time to freeze so that we had some easy meals after the baby comes, but sadly that is out the picture now.  I was honestly worried about how we would deal with grocery shopping and food because my husband works many long hours, but somehow we are managing.  Thankfully his boss is also being good and understanding and has not scheduled anymore trips.  We still could use help with some cleaning and cooking, but I'm glad that for now it's at least good enough to not make my OCD brain go completely crazy.

Despite the pain I'm in I'm so happy that we've almost made it to our goal.  Our goal was 36 weeks and I'll be there on Monday.  I've lost my mucus plug today so I know that anything is possible, but I'm so glad that we've made it so far and that despite my body's many failures little Sweet Sam has held on and her stubbornness had kept her safe and sound! She our little fighter.

(I apologize because I will not be editing this post at all.  I want to make sure I document everything, even the bad pain I may have) Below I am also adding some pictures from my shower, my 3D/4D u/s and my maternity shoot so feel free to exit out of this browser now.

From my shower to celebrate our sweet Rainbow Baby!

We spent at least 30 min trying to get her to move her hands, but she wouldn't have it.  She wanted to keep her hands in front of her face.
From my maternity shoot.  Bible verse holds a special meaning for me, not just for our current situation but bc I was adopted.  We also used my mother's bible for that picture.  She was the one that first showed me this verse and told me that even though I was carried in another women's womb, God knew who my true mother was while there and formed me for this family.
The last 2 pictures are to honor the children we lost.