Sunday, February 12, 2012
Never Got to Hold
It's all finally hit me as reality. I'm not sure how I'm suppose to overcome all of this. I've lost 3 babies. I've put my life at risk. My last one is finally done. My last beta came back and my numbers were finally going down. I've lost my 3rd baby. This loss is different then my other's, harder almost, yet I've been less emotional. I think because this was an ectopic, and we had to end it I'm struggling to accept reality. I know we had no choice, the baby was already dying, and so was I. It still seems like a nightmare that I can't wake up from. My last beta came back, and even then I didn't feel the pain, but today the ring I ordered came in. All of a sudden it felt real. I have a new ring because I needed to honor 3 children, not 2. I've lost 3 children that I never got to hold For now that's as far as I can process.