Sunday, February 12, 2012

Never Got to Hold

It's all finally hit me as reality.  I'm not sure how I'm suppose to overcome all of this.  I've lost 3 babies.  I've put my life at risk.  My last one is finally done.  My last beta came back and my numbers were finally going down.  I've lost my 3rd baby.  This loss is different then my other's, harder almost, yet I've been less emotional.  I think because this was an ectopic, and we had to end it I'm struggling to accept reality.  I know we had no choice, the baby was already dying, and so was I.  It still seems like a nightmare that I can't wake up from.  My last beta came back, and even then I didn't feel the pain, but today the ring I ordered came in.  All of a sudden it felt real.  I have a new ring because I needed to honor 3 children, not 2.  I've lost 3 children that I never got to hold  For now that's as far as I can process.


  1. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I've often thought about a piece of mother's jewelry but really I've no clue what stones to pick. Do I pick the ones with the month that I lost them in or the month they should have been born?

    Losing a baby is never easy. I just wish we never had to learn that particular pain. I'm so very sorry.

  2. I ended up deciding on going with their birth month, of what should have been their birth month. Even though it's still sad, it kind of makes it a little happier sounding than when I lost them. After my first one, I had a little necklace with both jewels, but now that I've got three, I decided on just the birth month.
    I know I'll always remember both months.