Monday, September 12, 2011

Sept. 11-10 years

September 11, 2001.  That is all that needs to be said.  A date in history, but that short phrase a story of pain ans sorrow and a uniting for our country.  For me, this year marks 10 years since the hardest time in my life (outside of my miscarriages, those take the top now).  9/11/01 not only marked the day this country got changed forever, but also marked the end of a crappy period and a change in my life, that eventually lead to where I am today.  While it was hard, and I wish it had never happened, I take what I have learned and gained from it and move on.  I am strong because of it all. 

September 11 is my fathers birthday .so when I woke up that day my mind was reeling with ideas of how to get my father to love me again instead of allowing his new wife to have me moved out into the house of a stranger.  As normal even on the morning our country was attacked, I left for school with not a single word spoken to me from my father or his wife.  When I arrived at school I was shocked to learn of the attack.  The school day was a blur as all we did in every class was watch the news.  That evening after school and by the time my father and his wife were off work I was told to start packing, and that Saturday I was fully moved out.  I had lost my family.  My mind of course had to wonder to my deceased mother and do what I try so hard never to do.  Wonder what might have been if she was still alive. 

Just a few short days before all of this the day I still have nightmares about had changed me forever and also marks a huge beginning this journey with endo.  In, what should have been the security of my bedroom, I was taken with force by a male who had been known for ages. Home from dance, changing out of leotard I made myself vulnerable without though to danger.  Yes, I was raped.  While I was struggling for life, the gift for my future husband was stolen, and little did I know the worst was yet to come.  Since I had been refusing to date this guy, he decided that he would steal what he could from me, and do what he could to damage me.  Not only was there a knife and bleeding, but the beginning of scar tissue would now always be around, not a great thing for Endo.  

When my father was informed (mind you there was a mess of blood still on the ground), my brother convinced my dad it was fake and that his friend has been with him the entire time at the store.  Now you see why this horrible daughter was kicked out of the house for being so "troubled."  All periods had been heavy and painful, far more than that of the average young teen, but they quickly became worse.  Being the naive things I was. When my brother and father denied the story, I never pursued medical help, or police help.  I know better now, but at the time was too scared to say anything. 

September 11, 2011.  Ten years ago my life changed.  I became damaged and now I live with a case of stage 4 endometriosis and scarring that causes many many problems, all ending in pain and infertility.  

This is the 10 year anniversary, and I have survived.  I am strong and I have a mighty God.  

2 comments:

  1. You are one of the strongest, most amazing, most beautiful women that I know. There are no words to take away the unbearable pain that comes with all that you've been through but I hope you know that you are an inspiration to me. I am so thrilled that we've met and I cherish our friendship so much. Thank you for being you and I celebrate you today for being a warrior, a survivor, an incredible person.

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  2. Wow. You just made me all teary eyed. You have encouraged me a lot with these words. Thank you for your friendship and time. I have enjoyed getting to know you and look forward to continuing that friendship.

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