Wednesday, February 22, 2012

From 40 weeks to Grief

February 21 marks a reminder I wish I could forgot.  I should have been giving birth, or at least completely uncomfortable waiting for labor.  Instead I'm a little over a week from when my last and final beta finally started to go down.  I'm losing another child when I should have been giving birth.  I can't even understand how this is even possible.  I can't understand.

I can't even express myself in this moment.  I feel so lost, broken, and defeated.  I'm still fighting to keep going on.  I didn't even realize I had this song on my phone, but it played today when it was on shuffle.  It's amazing how songs can say everything I can't.  I heard this song today and I broke down.  It's exactly what I'm feeling.  I was going to try to attempt to write out all my feelings today, but this day has defeated me, so I will let the song speak for me.  "Broken" by Lifehouse will now forever be the song for my lost children.


  1. I'm so sorry dear friend. I wish there was something I could do to make it better. *hugs*

  2. I'm glad that this song came on your phone. I've found, over the years, that it takes something like this to help get through the other side; and you will honey. Just give yourself time to grieve. (((Dianne)))