"I'm cleared to go, we are going!" I demand weakly to my husband after my doctor had cleared me to be discharged and to head up into the mountains for the weekend. I was under strict resting guidelines but I was allowed to go. I finally convinced my husband.
The weekend went on like normal, I was tired and rested most of the time with some small easing walks. I didn't realize it and thought maybe my medicines were making me feel unwell, but suddenly my incision was bulging and puss was oozing out of the stitches. We called my doctor and made our way back to the hospital.
Infection, I have an infection. "We need to reopen your incision and drain it." When I woke up again all I cared about was seeing my husband. I almost lost it when I saw him. Sitting in the chair next to my bed, one hand resting on top of mine, his head buried into his other hand. I squeezed his hand to try to communicate that I was okay. He looked up, his eyes searching mine for any sign that we might be finally done with this mess. "Get some sleep, you'll be staying overnight, no arguing" As I drifted back to sleep my only thought was I'm too tired to argue."
"We got the results back." My doctor said to us, his eyes telling much more than he was saying. "It was cancer. The good news is that we took a piece of your right ovary to test and it was clean." Left alone to process the news. I was afraid to look at my husband. Afraid that seeing his sad and worried eyes would make me fall apart. All he did was lift my hand to lips and planted a kiss. He kept my hand there for several seconds w/ his eyes closed before he gently pulled me into his arm (as best he could since I was hooked into an IV and monitors). "It's over"
After being on a strong antibiotic and IV fluids and my fever going down I was allowed to go home. As my husband helped me to bed and kissed me goodnight he said in a soft sad voice "Please be home for good." And we both drifted off into a long deep slumber hand in hand and begin our journey to recover from this mess.