I have Cancer

Home after a long ordeal of having an ovary removed, infected, and finding out I have cancer.  I was weak, sore, and sleeping away as much time as I could.  It felt like I would never again be normal.  I had scheduled testing, we needed to find out if this cancer was gone or if we still had a long journey.  My husband would come home each day from work, bringing me dinner and hounding me to not overexert myself. He tried to make himself sound upbeat and usually in a teasing matter, but the worry on his face and in his voice were undisguisable.

I spent as much time as I could sleeping trying to pass the time until I would find out my fate.  Was I about to endure a long battle of cancer or was I going to be able to heal from this surgery and move forward with finding a  normal?

Test day arrived and it was long and tiring.  I was poked like crazy, by body scanned and over all turned into a lab rat.  Now I had to wait.  With every phone call my heart beating fast wondering if this was the call.  My husband came home with a questioning look on his face, and without saying a word he knew the call had not come, and so our routine of dinner and tv would begin in hopes of making time pass quickly, in hopes of keeping out mind quiet, in hopes of forget that we were waiting to find out what was our future.

"You are cancer free my dear!" the only words I really remember in the long explanation that my doctor gave me in his phone call from his personal phone.  It was over, I had beat cancer it didn't seem fair almost that it had disappeared so easily for me while it's stolen so many lives, but it was over I was going to be okay.  When my husband walked through the door that evening I felt as though my heart would burst through my chest.  I didn't realize how much he had aged during this time, but the man I saw come through that door was a young and happy man!  The worry lines had disappeared and his eyes shone and sparkled.

My husband was able to leave for his work turn relaxed and not worried about me.  His parents had agreed to help out with the dog and with getting me food and he filled our fridge with easy to eat foods that would help keep my iron levels up since they were so low from the amount of blood I had lost.  If only he knew that with in a few short days I would be mostly on my own and even have to drive out to get more pain meds because of a MIL who really didn't mean she was willing to help out.

As I begin to feel a little better and gain a bit more energy the date of my mother's passing was approaching and it wasn't lost on me the irony that the anniversary of my mother losing her battle to brain tumor was shortly after I had just found out I beat it.  I took that day to remember my amazing mother and to appreciate that I was coming out on the other end.  Spring was approaching and it was time for new beginnings, and of course allergies, but that will come in the next post...