The Unknown

I hate when I am so unsure, I hate just waiting for an answer.  Things have become, um, interesting in the last few days, and honestly I don't think I'm ready or strong enough to handle it.

Saturday morning was a bad morning and my vomiting got so bad I had to go in for IV of fluids since I was dehydrated, thankfully that was it.  I was home that late evening and my husband and I decided to meet some friends for dinner.  I couldn't really eat, but visiting would be nice, and I would still be sitting still, so we would be obeying doctor's orders.  While sitting there I had cramping, it it felt like AF (period) was making it's arrival.  I wasn't too happy to feel this, but went to the restroom to confirm, that yes, when I wiped I was having blood and clots.  This is how my AF always starts. I assumed it was over  I came out of bathroom to join our group, who while I was away and begun a conversation about how they found out they were pregnant and how the low points of being pregnant.  Not really what I wanted to hear.  I made it through until it was time to go home before I had my breakdown.

This morning I woke up early, for no real reason, other than being painfully nauseated and having some heart burn.  I also noticed no blood at all.  I was a little confused, and curious, so I decided to POAS (pee on a stick) and a very faint line appeared.This is a good sign.  I then tried a different brand and had nothing.  I calmed my worry that one is too light, and the other nothing by reminding myself it's still early and different test start at different levels.  We meet with my IL's for dinner and while there my cramping came back and of course going to the restroom showed an increase in my bleeding and clotting again.  This bleeding was more than before, but still not as bad as my period.  I came home and cried to my husband again, who just told me it does no good to worry yet.  Which I know, but how do you not?  So then I decided to test one more time, with the brand that showed nothing earlier, and it had a very very faint line.

For now I'm still cramping, A LOT, and I'm still spotting and clotting.  I don't feel safe to say I'm pregnant, I don't feel safe that this thing I've got is going to be safe if I am pregnant.  Tomorrow I'll call my RE's office and I'll begin the next step to this already bumpy journey.

Thoughts, prayers, and hope would be greatly appreciated.  Thanks