From Brown to Red

Sleep was hard to come by as my thoughts have been reeling.  The only thoughts I've been able to have is "I can't do this" and "Why the Hell is this happening again?"

Once I feel asleep at about 6 AM I slept off and on until about noon.  I had no reason to make myself get up other than to call my RE's office and hear what I don't want to hear.  Once I got myself up and fed my dog I made the dreaded call.  I explained everything, the spotting, the faint tests, the clots, and the bleeding.  I was told to wait until Thursday and do a blood test, it's still too early because it's possible my trigger is still in my system.  (It's not, I tested at the beginning of my 2WW just to make sure it was out) I have never done that before, but I explained to the nurse I saw, and she told me to still wait.  I was told not to worry because the blood was brown.  I was told to stay mostly in bed/couch and not do much until after we know what's going on.  I was also told brown is common, and even the amount means nothing.  The call felt like a big waste of time.  If I wait until Thursday it's possible my beta will be nothing and will be considered a failed cycle, and necessary testing and precautions if we choose to try again will not be taken seriously.

I was good and stayed in bed, only getting up to pee and get more Gatorade, thanks to lovely OHSS it's all I can drink.  I'm once again unable to sleep, and had to get up to pee.  I wish I had the ability to sleep through the pain because for one more night I might have been able to hold onto hope, instead going pee became my worst event of the day.  I've now got red blood.  It's still not fully a flow, but it's a bit more than just some random spotting. Tomorrow I'll be calling, but all that will happen is to go on complete bed rest until Thursday.  So until Thursday I'll only be seeing the 4 white walls of my bedroom.