Thursday, April 26, 2012


This week while dealing with the unknown of my future ability of children I've been attempting to keep myself busy, to do more with life.  I'm trying to remind myself that I'm more than a women with endometriosis.  I'm more than a women unable to get or stay pregnant.  I'm a women who has talents.  I needed that reminder, so I've been busy this week.  I've been trying new projects and practicing old talents.  I have been doing a lot with my photography.  If you want to see what I've been up to with that, take a look here.

I did finally try making fudge for the first time ever.  I've never been a fan of cooking or baking, but I would rather cook than bake.  Fudge really doesn't fall under either one, so I don't know why I avoided trying it.  I got a peanut butter fudge recipe from my friend and tried it out first as it was, and then made a chocolate and peanut butter version.  They turned out so delicious and I'm rather proud of myself.  It was nice to know that this messed up body could manage to do something good.

I've been trying to decide a new look for our bathroom.  We had a mix of blue, but no real theme anymore in out bathroom after moving in.  I thought I wanted to keep my dark blue and just add silver to that, but it was becoming hard to find, unless I wanted to spend a lot of money, which I didn't.  In the end I decided on something that was no where near what I thought I would like, but it's perfect because it blends perfectly with the bedroom set.  So someday when we buy a house and have a master bed and bath room it will go perfectly.  This new color though meant I needed to change some of the knickknacks in the bathroom, and I wanted to this without spending a lot of money.  A few years ago my husband got me hooked on the Bawls energy drinks. I ended up falling in love with the bottles as well.  They were the prefect color of my kitchen decor, so I spruced them up a bit and added them to our house, nobody the wiser to what they really were.  When we moved into this little place they fit better in the bathroom, and when well with the dark blue shower curtain I had, and I was planning to change the color scheme to fit.  I have no decided against that so I did some work on some new bottles and got a new plan for them.  I'm rather proud of what I did.  
This is our bedroom set
This was the non matching shades of blue bathroom

This is the new one (ignore the towels, I have matching pretty ones now)

This was what I started with

This was my first creation

This is the new one for the bathroom!  I'm proud of how it turned out.  

 I was not able to fully ignore our situation these last few weeks, but it was nice to try to plan other things.  It is all catching up now.  My experimental stims don't seem to be working that well and we have to figure out what we want to do.  We don't have a lot of information to help us figure out what to do.  When my husband is back from his business trip we will be having to talk and make decisions we have been avoiding.  Right now I'm fighting with either a cyst about to rupture on my left ovary, or more endo growth.  If it's endo growth its going to be hard to figure out what to do.  Right now it creates bad pain so stand straight, or to sit in most positions.  It's so frustrating.  Before this pain hit me though, I was so ungraceful when getting energy drinks at BevMo last Friday.  I had a bag full of glass bottled drinks when I stepped off a curb and rolled my foot and fell landing on my elbow as my brace (without spilling or breaking my drinks!)  It felt fine at first, so the walk back to the car was fine, but half way home my foot was in so much pain and swollen.  Thankfully I had an appointment in a few hours anyway for my allergy shot.  I was concerned about being able to drive there, so when I got home I put my foot up, took ibuprofen, and iced it.  It felt a bit better, but just walking to the car and driving to the doctor ruined it all.  They ordered an x-ray and I had to wait for results.  By the end of the weekend I was hardly able to walk.  Monday my results came in, not broken, but I had bruised the bone.  I was told to rest it and come back at the end of the week if still swollen and in pain.  I am, so tomorrow I'll go in and probably have at least a soft cast of some sort.
The photo does not do it justice
This weekend we are headed up to my in-law's cabin to help them make their fire break that is required every year.  I'm not really looking forward to the work in my current condition, but I'm looking forward to getting away.  It's going to be the whole family.  My husbands parents, brother, sister, and her fiance.  It should be fun despite the work!

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