Wow, I hadn't realized it has been so long since I had updated. I mentioned in my last post about a possibility of a cyst of endo growth. Turns out I had a huge cyst on my ovary. This means we have once again put a pause on all things related to trying. I go back on Monday and we again have to gather new information and make decisions I don't feel ready to make again.
I've tried to distract myself lately, but it isn't working very well. Lately my thoughts have wondered over the changed relationships. It really saddens me that kids become the deciding factor for a friendship. We don't have any, so it's hard to be my friends. People can't come hang out and visit me at my house, because it's easier for me to go see them. That way they don't have to pack up the children and toys for them. It's like they are okay with still being my friend as long as I go to them. If I had kids then I would have a "kid friendly" home and playmates for their children so coming here would be easier.
I'm tired of it. I make a huge effort for these friends. I attend baby showers, children's birthday parties, and have no problems visiting a friend who has kids and dealing with the interruptions that come with them. Is it really too much to ask that the days I'm in pain and I don't want to leave my house to ask them to come here instead?
Well for now I wait until Monday. I hope I have no cyst.