Every day it feels the same. I wonder why I can’t get away. My day repeats like a song set on repeat. I am sick and tired of hearing this music, but I can’t find the stop button. Every night the thoughts meander back in time. I then have to find the strength again each morning to get up and over come the memories that haunt me.
Now reading this and my last blog may make some think, “whoa there physco, time to see the shrink;” however, I really am okay. I have dealt with my past, and I believe I have turned out stronger for it. I never will be glad it happened, and I will always mourn for the pain that it caused. I move forward and carry the lessons I learned. This post is not to share all the details of a horrible past, or to share about the things I have learned. This is a post to share with you what this invisible disease, called endometriosis can do.
The debilitating pain forces me to sit laying awake most of the night with nothing to do in a household fast asleep. My loneliness is filled with thoughts of my past, or hopes and worry of my future. When the loudness of the silence fills my ears: I write, I share, I cry, I pray, and I hope. I sometimes manage to fall asleep after my ranting and when I awake, the song is still playing. Set on repeat, do I dare to hope it will stop this time? Do I dare to hope for an end to this song?