Lap Update

It's been a few days since my lap, and I've been resting and trying to recover.  I'm surprised at how sore I am this time and at how much energy has been sapped from me.

Good news is that my doctor was able to save all my parts!  I don't have all the information yet on what he did, but will find out more at my post op on August 2.  What I do know is that I had a lot of growths removed, and that my left ovary was so bad it was basically glued down to something (my hubs can't remember what the doctor said).  Dr. S was able to remove the growths on it, and then also put some sort of mesh device that will dissolve in time to help prevent it from happening again.  This would explain the placement of my ovary, so hopefully this will help us on our future.

For not that really all the information I have.  I'm still really sore, and really tired.  It's been really nice having my husband home for this recovery, but I'm already getting nervous about him going back to work on Monday.  He has offered to take an extra day off if I need him, though I think that is almost more for his own benefit than mine.  :)

Thank you everybody for all your prayers, thoughts, and encouragement.  It has been greatly appreciate.  I'll update more as I learn more.

Postponed

I'm suppose to be in surgery right now, but a few days ago I got a call that my doctor had a family emergency come up and it had to be postponed.  It will not be on July 24, thankfully not too much later.  I was annoyed at first, but trying to be understanding.  Hey, doctors are people too.  I seem to often times have my appointments rescheduled because of emergencies so I was not sure what to think.  I then calmed myself down by reminding myself that this is the first time I've been postponed with this doctor.  In fact when the doctor had a vacation planned the nurses and office staff worked hard to get everyone in before he left instead of rescheduling when he would be back.

I'm now okay with the change.  It really didn't change my husband's time off at all.  We now have planned a trip up to our old camp as well.  We leave today when he gets off work and will stay until Tuesday since we have to drive through the town my surgery is in on our way home.  We booked a hotel for that night, and if all goes well and there is no removal of any body parts I'll be releases that day, or night really.  We decided we didnt' want to drive 2 hours home right after surgery.  Too bad I'll be too doped up to enjoy our nice hotel, but at least I'll have some rest and enjoyment before.  This will probably be my last post until after surgery.

Please pray and send good thoughts for this surgery.  The butterflies are starting to settling into my stomach.  

The Date is Set

I'm not sure why I've been putting off updating and letting you all know that my surgery date has been set.  There is no real reason.  The only thing is that I've been busy trying to clean house, get ready for a garage sale, get frozen dinner prepared for recovery, and rest because I've been exhausted.  The garage sale won't be happening until after my surgery, but I need to be ready for it, and won't be able to do much.

My surgery date is July 20!  Friday the 13 is my pre-op.  Not sure if I should be worried or superstitious about that day, but for now I'll hope it means good things to come.  My husband has take the 20-29 off of work.  I'm really glad he will be around for everything, to help during recovery as well.

I'm trying to get a lot of things done before my surgery to make it easy for him.  This is his only vacation this year, and he's spending it taking care of me.  I want to make it as easy for him as possible so I've set goals.  My goal is to deep clean the house completely, to have everything that we sale at his parent's garage sale set aside, and to have easy meals he can pull out of the freezer and set in the oven or cock pot and not have the think.

It's funny.  I've had some friends tell me to make him do the cooking, but he only BBQ's, so I don't think I want learning while I'm on almost bed rest, and like I said, this is his vacation time.  We've even played around with the idea of going to the beach for a night, or up to our old camp for a few days.  We've been wanting to go, my husband has really wanted to go volunteer some time, but we know we were going to have a surgery to work around, and my brother from Seattle is planning to come with his 3 kids, so his vacation time has had to be worked around them.  We are not sure, because we don't know how I'll feel.  My husband thinks I won't be up to, but I think I'll be fine.  If we go up there, I won't have to cook.  My in-laws will take care of my dog. All I need to be able to do is walk, which should be able to do, even if it's slowly.  I may just have to take an hour to walk to a meal, instead of 10 minutes, but I'll take that.  It would be nice little getaway for us, and this may be our only chance.  My brother is coming in august, and hub's will not have a lot of vacation time left, so the days he takes off will be like a  Friday and/or Monday with a weekend in between to utilize the time well.  I'm looking forward to my brother coming.  I only see him about once a year (which is more than my other two, which is never) and the last time I saw his kids he only had the oldest twins, who were about 14 months, and didn't have his youngest girl.  He will also be bringing his girlfriend, who I only had a short meal with once, so I'm looking forward to getting to know the girl who has helped him to love again after the lies and hurt his ex-wife put him through.

I've been busy in this yuck heat trying to get everything ready.  My meals has been pretty easy.  When I cook dinner, I know just double everything, and easy have leftovers to freeze.  As I dish them up to be frozen, I write out the directions for cooking and put them on the dish for easy reference.  It should be fool proof (knock on wood!)  Now that my pre-op is not too far away I've started to get a little jittery feeling.  I just need to keep distracting myself.  The date is set!

Different # 4

This was a long weekend.  My sis-in-law got married!  We had to run around and decorate and celebrate.  It was a beautiful wedding and I'm honored to have been apart of it.  I was actually looking forward to the weekend.  I had stopped bleeding and I just love weddings.  They make me giddy!

Friday we spent the day setting up the hall.  It looked fabulous!  Sadly by that evening for the rehearsal I had already started bleeding and cramping again.  I still managed to smile and have fun.  I really did enjoy the wedding, but sadly it was also shadowed by my bleeding and pain.  I tried to ignore it since I knew I had to go to the doctor on Monday.  It kind of worked.  Here's a look at my weekend!

The tall clear center pieces had flowers added on the day of the wedding as you can see below

Monday was my doctor appointment and I was really starting to get nervous.  My cramping keeps getting worse, and a new bruise like feeling on my ovaries has started.  I just don't want to face what it means, and I also just didn't want to face the reality that we may never get another chance to try for a biological child.  I'm just not sure how to be okay with never getting to have one.  

I had a good conversation with Dr. S.  He explained that at this point we have been able to work out my bad quality egg and lack of ovulation problems.  We've managed to find a way to get pregnant, but my hostile uterus has been unable to handle it.  It flips out and kills off whatever is in there.  It was a bit hard to hear that  if it my uterus just rejected this baby for no good reason.  It was perfectly healthy.  From all the test I should have been able to deliver a perfectly healthy baby.

After this was discussed he went on to say he was at a loss of what to do, but I cut him off and explained not only when I've become pregnant, but all the time, my bleeding has become more and my pain from my endo is worse.  I feel worse than I did before my last surgery.  I had at first always kind of said that next time I have a surgery I will just do a hysterectomy, but wasn't sure I really want that now.  Dr. S said that he also thought this time it was a good idea to pursue another lap.  He want to remove all my adhesion and scar tissue and give it one more try with a freshly cleaned out uterus.  He said that he can't promise cleaning me out will fix anything, but he will be able to take a better look at my uterus and to see just how much damage has been done to it.  That way we know if we have a chance.  

He is concerned about time, and didn't want to waste anytime setting up my surgery.  I would probably be going in next week for it, but he has a vacation planned, so  he is going to plan it at the hospitals first opening after he gets back, which puts us the week of July 23.  I'm not sure of the exact date yet, but should be getting a call within the next few days, once the nurses and staff have worked out the insurance and booking the hospital.  

I feel good about this choice.  I'm scared too much time is still going to pass and we are going to miss our chance, but at least I'll be feeling a bit better.  I feel good that Dr. S was 100% on board with this choice as well and that he plans a minimum of a four hour surgery because he wants to spend a lot of time looking around and doesn't want to miss anything.  Once we get the date set up, we will have to discuss a lot of things, like giving permission to remove a tube or ovary if needed, or even worse a hysterectomy.  I know when we get to that part my nerves will set in.  For now I wait and find peace in knowing that we are choosing the best option for us.

I met with a dear friend on Monday who is dealing with some pretty intense issues in her marriage.  I feel so badly for her, but I do have to say, it has made me appreciate my husband that much more.  I've really been struggling accepting how God can ever use what we have been through for good, and I still am, but I do have to say that through all this my husband and I have drawn closer.  I hate that my friend is dealing with facing a reality that she is in a loveless marriage, but I have awoken to the fact that despite out situation and our losses we have each other.  I know it's sappy, but it's true.  I have fallen in love all over again, and I know that we will always pull through whatever life throws at us together.