That night in the hospital was a horrible night. I felt like the longest night of my life and at the same time it all passed so quickly and can barely remember a thing. I remember having so much pain and pressure on my stomach, I remember seeing a huge bulging mass sticking out of my already massively fat stomach (thanks for nothing fertility meds!). I was throwing up every hour it seemed, though I honestly don't know how I could have managed to have anything left to lose. I was miserable. Finally after a late night/early morning draining, mix of morphine and anti-nausea meds I was able to get a little bit of sleep.
"Yes, you have my permission, take out whatever you need to keep her okay!" I could hear in his voice a fear that I've never heard before. I could hear the tears that he rarely ever cries. In our entire relationship my dear husband has only cried twice and I've only seen it once. Once was when we were dating and I had a bad pain day and he literally carried me into my house. The next day he told me he felt so helpless and on his walk home, in the darkness of the night in the mountains he dropped to his knees and cried out for a way to take this pain away. Since this day he has told me that seeing me rushed off for emergency surgery was 100 times worse than that night.
I was awake enough to hear this conversation. I remember willing myself to reach out and touch his hand, if I could just hold his hand for a second I know everything would be okay. My body failed to obey, it just wouldn't move, wouldn't respond, no matter how hard I tried it wouldn't work and my world begin to fade into darkness.
When I woke up again I was confused. I looked around at surroundings trying to figure out what was going on, willing myself to think back to my last memory. That's when I remember my husband's voice. I let out a gasp feeling frantic to find my love when a nurse appeared at my side and calmly explained I had been rushed into surgery. She took my vitals and begin the transition into my room while reassuring me that I would see my husband soon.
"They had to remove your left ovary and took part of your right. I'm so sorry babe, I had to let them." I gave him a small smile, reached for his hand "I love you, lets focus on that." So we sat (well I laid), hand in hand until I drifted off to sleep, content that for now we were still together and we were both okay.
Dealing with Endometriosis, PCOS, Adenomyosis, low ovarian reserve, and a hostile uterus. Struggling to maintain a normal life while taking this journey. Putting my trust in God and hoping my writing can help others in similar positions.
Showing posts with label enlarged ovary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label enlarged ovary. Show all posts
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Friday, April 5, 2013
Being Admitted
What to write? That is my problem. How do I put into words the events of this past month? I'm not even sure my brain has had the ability to fully process what all happened.
It started off like any other day. I was taking a shower at the end of the day, feeling grateful that I had managed to walk my dog and clean the house. I was starting to feel that maybe I could recover from everything. That's when I noticed that my scar from my tubal removal was bulged out and sore to touch, like a dull achy bruised feeling, but there was no bruising. I thought it was odd, but didn't think to much about it.
As I lay trying to sleep I was noticing more and more the pain I was developing on my side, by morning my slightly bulged area was now a golf ball sticking out of my fat gut. I called my dr and came in to be seen. If you remember, I've been fighting with enlarged ovaries and had been going to have them drained every other month or so.
The appointment started out like all the rest, laying on that cold bed with the tech's eyes bulging at my now softball sized ovary. As he started moving the wand around to get measurements he noticed something odd where my tube should be (of course the tube is long gone) so he pulled Mr. Wandy over to get a better look. "oh that's not suppose to be there." This was not comforting to hear as the tech explained that I had a bunch of lose fluid floating around while he picked up the phone to page the doctor to come in.
The rest of it was a blur, but in no time at all I was admitted into the hospital and I suppose I must have called my husband since he was sitting in the chair next to my husband. The doctor came in to explain what was going one. I had had blood testing upon being admitted and my hormone levels were way off. My estrogen had been floating around 700-800 in my last few test, but it was now 989 and progesterone was 2. I also had an elevated hcg, but it was very very low. Not even enough to be pregnant, and I knew it wasn't even possible to have been. It was just one more random number that made no sense. My ca-125 had been tested a few days before and it was also elevated at 47 normal is <35. I had my fluid drained (boy was I tired of having a needle stuck into me). I needed to stay for now because my reproductive organs were filling with fluid so quickly it was hard to keep up. It was decided that if I was still having issues the next day I was going to have to go in for surgery to at least take a biopsy of my ovary. We needed to get to the bottom of what was going on.
The rest will come later. Sorry for the split post, it's the only way I'll be able to write this out.
It started off like any other day. I was taking a shower at the end of the day, feeling grateful that I had managed to walk my dog and clean the house. I was starting to feel that maybe I could recover from everything. That's when I noticed that my scar from my tubal removal was bulged out and sore to touch, like a dull achy bruised feeling, but there was no bruising. I thought it was odd, but didn't think to much about it.
As I lay trying to sleep I was noticing more and more the pain I was developing on my side, by morning my slightly bulged area was now a golf ball sticking out of my fat gut. I called my dr and came in to be seen. If you remember, I've been fighting with enlarged ovaries and had been going to have them drained every other month or so.
The appointment started out like all the rest, laying on that cold bed with the tech's eyes bulging at my now softball sized ovary. As he started moving the wand around to get measurements he noticed something odd where my tube should be (of course the tube is long gone) so he pulled Mr. Wandy over to get a better look. "oh that's not suppose to be there." This was not comforting to hear as the tech explained that I had a bunch of lose fluid floating around while he picked up the phone to page the doctor to come in.
The rest of it was a blur, but in no time at all I was admitted into the hospital and I suppose I must have called my husband since he was sitting in the chair next to my husband. The doctor came in to explain what was going one. I had had blood testing upon being admitted and my hormone levels were way off. My estrogen had been floating around 700-800 in my last few test, but it was now 989 and progesterone was 2. I also had an elevated hcg, but it was very very low. Not even enough to be pregnant, and I knew it wasn't even possible to have been. It was just one more random number that made no sense. My ca-125 had been tested a few days before and it was also elevated at 47 normal is <35. I had my fluid drained (boy was I tired of having a needle stuck into me). I needed to stay for now because my reproductive organs were filling with fluid so quickly it was hard to keep up. It was decided that if I was still having issues the next day I was going to have to go in for surgery to at least take a biopsy of my ovary. We needed to get to the bottom of what was going on.
The rest will come later. Sorry for the split post, it's the only way I'll be able to write this out.
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