I drove to Fresno yesterday to have my ultrasound done. I got a bit of a late start and find out as I am stopping at the post office to send off a letter, that my husband has forgotten his lunch and would like to me please bring it to him. No problems at all, Turlock is on the way to Fresno, but like I said, I had gotten a bit of a late start, so I had to now drive a little out of my way. Thankfully even with that detour I ended up at my doctors at 10:56 with an appointment time of 11. I went in to get my ultrasound and was out of there by 11:20. It was kind of a bummer that a two hour drive only gave me a 20 minute appointment, but I love the doctor I have, so it is worth it.
I apologize now for some of my readers who do not personally know me. I will not be sharing a lot about my appointment. There is still some information that my husband and I want to keep limited.. Since I have people who know me I must keep some of the sharing quiet. I am keeping a journal outside of the Internet world so that when we feel it is the right time I can update everyone on everything I went through. As far as the infertility part of things, there was some forward motion, but not a lot to make a good judgment, so I have to go back on Thursday to see how things look. That means that we are not moving forward. I am not disappointed because I am glad that I am at least not moving backwards. It does seem to be possible that I can get pregnant, with the right dosage of medicine. It may be a while have to figured that out, but it appears we will be able to figure it out. Now we must work on making sure I will not miscarry once they get the right dosage. I have a lot of scar tissue from an accident of my youth that I may share at some point. My endometrial lining is too thin as well. Hopefully with a lot of patience and God's help these things can be overcome. I am slowly gaining back the hope I used to have.
I have not yet gotten my results from all the blood work I had done so I am not sure what all that will lead to. I did however learn in my ultrasound that on top of my Endometriosis I also have Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). Thankfully right now it doesn't seem to be hurting anything yet, so that is a good thing. I pray that it continues to just be a minor problem. Tomorrow I have an appointment at 10:30 for another ultrasound. Please pray that all continues to at least somewhat move forward. I will remain hopeful as long as things do not move backwards.
Thank you all for reading, praying, and encouraging. I do appreciate it.
Dealing with Endometriosis, PCOS, Adenomyosis, low ovarian reserve, and a hostile uterus. Struggling to maintain a normal life while taking this journey. Putting my trust in God and hoping my writing can help others in similar positions.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
The Next Step...Hopefully
I am starting to feel the butterfly's in my stomach attempting to flutter around all the knots inside. Tomorrow I go back to the doctor for my ultrasound. I am praying that things go well. I know I still have other options, but I am tired of waiting. I am struggling to hold on to my patience. I know God has a plan and I need to just trust in that and wait for His perfect timing.
Last time I went to the doctor, it turned out to be a long day. I am hoping that tomorrow goes smoothly and that there are no changes in my appointment time. I don't have to leave here until 9, but I am planning on calling and confirming my appointment at 8 AM, when they open. I do not want any surprises this time around. I am hoping that everything on the ultrasound is as it should be and that we can begin the next step. I want to hold onto the hope that I will be able to give birth to a child. Boy or girl, I do not care which, I just pray and I hope that this can lead me to a child.
I hope that if it turns out that my body is not doing what it should that I am remain hopeful. We don't know what is going to work yet, and there is still hope that something else will work if this doesn't. I am just so tired of waiting. I want a kid. I have been waiting for a long time, and I am so tired of being tired of waiting.
Please pray for my appointment tomorrow at 11 AM. I will probably not get around to updating you on this appointment until Wednesday since tomorrow will be a long day. I will be going to Fresno again, which is a two hour drive away, and also plan on visiting with a friend after my test. My last post shared how my appointment time changed and cut into our visiting time and so we still need to catch up. On they way home I also need to stop and pick up groceries. When I get home tomorrow all I will want to do is lay down and cuddle up with my husband with a good movie.
Thank you all for your time in reading this and praying for me.
Last time I went to the doctor, it turned out to be a long day. I am hoping that tomorrow goes smoothly and that there are no changes in my appointment time. I don't have to leave here until 9, but I am planning on calling and confirming my appointment at 8 AM, when they open. I do not want any surprises this time around. I am hoping that everything on the ultrasound is as it should be and that we can begin the next step. I want to hold onto the hope that I will be able to give birth to a child. Boy or girl, I do not care which, I just pray and I hope that this can lead me to a child.
I hope that if it turns out that my body is not doing what it should that I am remain hopeful. We don't know what is going to work yet, and there is still hope that something else will work if this doesn't. I am just so tired of waiting. I want a kid. I have been waiting for a long time, and I am so tired of being tired of waiting.
Please pray for my appointment tomorrow at 11 AM. I will probably not get around to updating you on this appointment until Wednesday since tomorrow will be a long day. I will be going to Fresno again, which is a two hour drive away, and also plan on visiting with a friend after my test. My last post shared how my appointment time changed and cut into our visiting time and so we still need to catch up. On they way home I also need to stop and pick up groceries. When I get home tomorrow all I will want to do is lay down and cuddle up with my husband with a good movie.
Thank you all for your time in reading this and praying for me.
Friday, April 1, 2011
A Long Week Ends with A Lazy Afternoon
This week has been a long week. I want to give up every going to the doctors. I will not though. I cannot understand how some people have ever managed to get a job. The front desk receptionist should be able to handle their job and actually have all the information they need to get it done. Yesterday I had to go get some blood work done. Had a bunch of things tested, thyroid, pituitary, and multiple others. I had called in advance to make sure I did everything I was suppose to. I was instructed to fast, so I did.
I woke up in the morning to get ready for the day and of course since I cannot eat I am starving. I head out so that I can get this done and eat. I arrive at the clinic at about 10:30. I have a horrible time finding the lab because the front desk person sent me right instead of left. I finally make it to the lab, and go to check in. I show them my order form of tests. They take a look and then beginning the process of paper work. I spend about 20 minutes with them filling out all the necessary forms and finally my order is added to the stack. I wait in the waiting room for about 30 minutes, so now it is past 11:30 and my stomach is growling, and I get called back. I walk over and am politely informed that one of the test I need they are unable to perform and they do not have the needed supplies to complete the test and direct me the the next possible place.
I arrive at location number two. I provide the order page and ask before signing in and filling out paper work if they can even complete the test. The front desk lady walks it the back where I can hear they trying to decipher what my doctor has written. I am directed to go ahead and take a seat while they try to figure out what is written. They spend about 10 minutes trying to decode his writing before finally calling his office. After about 20 minutes they finally know what was written and I can begin filling out the paper work they need. Now that everything i s ready, my arm is tied off and ready to go. I begin to wonder what is so special about my test.
The lady pricks me and I hear a "Oh sorry, wrong spot. One more time." Now the needle is in and I turn back to watch. Six vials of blood later and she is done. Nothing fancy, no big deal. I ask, why didn't they other place have that you do? I get a shrug and a bit of an annoyed look with an explanation that they get this often from that place. Guess I found my new place to go. Though two pricks and bruise after, not sure I care about that Now I wait for results.
I just took, my last pill today and will be going to the doctor on Tuesday to see if my ovaries are responding correctly. I am hoping that I can go at my appointment time and not get told it needs to be changed. I am a bit nervous, but I am trying to not dwell on what might happen. I hope and I pray that everything is responding the correct way and we can take the next step forward.
This week has been long and filled with lots of activity and little rest. Today I am taking a day to rest. I sat in bed most of the morning vegging out to some movies. I love the ability to easily move the laptop around. Today I am writing to you in the comfort of the sun, with my little Hutch stretched out beside me. It is a lovely feeling. Soon summer will be here in lovely California and it will be too hot to do this, so I am going to enjoy this while I can. I plan on reading a new book that I borrowed for the rest of the afternoon. Elixir by Hilary Duff (yes the actress from the Lizzie McGuire Series) I have read mixed reviews on it, and was not going to read it because I thought it might be a bit young, but I have decided to take a chance. I have read up on Hilary Duff and it appears she is actual become a mature young adult. I hope to find this a good read. I will let you know.
I woke up in the morning to get ready for the day and of course since I cannot eat I am starving. I head out so that I can get this done and eat. I arrive at the clinic at about 10:30. I have a horrible time finding the lab because the front desk person sent me right instead of left. I finally make it to the lab, and go to check in. I show them my order form of tests. They take a look and then beginning the process of paper work. I spend about 20 minutes with them filling out all the necessary forms and finally my order is added to the stack. I wait in the waiting room for about 30 minutes, so now it is past 11:30 and my stomach is growling, and I get called back. I walk over and am politely informed that one of the test I need they are unable to perform and they do not have the needed supplies to complete the test and direct me the the next possible place.
I arrive at location number two. I provide the order page and ask before signing in and filling out paper work if they can even complete the test. The front desk lady walks it the back where I can hear they trying to decipher what my doctor has written. I am directed to go ahead and take a seat while they try to figure out what is written. They spend about 10 minutes trying to decode his writing before finally calling his office. After about 20 minutes they finally know what was written and I can begin filling out the paper work they need. Now that everything i s ready, my arm is tied off and ready to go. I begin to wonder what is so special about my test.
The lady pricks me and I hear a "Oh sorry, wrong spot. One more time." Now the needle is in and I turn back to watch. Six vials of blood later and she is done. Nothing fancy, no big deal. I ask, why didn't they other place have that you do? I get a shrug and a bit of an annoyed look with an explanation that they get this often from that place. Guess I found my new place to go. Though two pricks and bruise after, not sure I care about that Now I wait for results.
I just took, my last pill today and will be going to the doctor on Tuesday to see if my ovaries are responding correctly. I am hoping that I can go at my appointment time and not get told it needs to be changed. I am a bit nervous, but I am trying to not dwell on what might happen. I hope and I pray that everything is responding the correct way and we can take the next step forward.
This week has been long and filled with lots of activity and little rest. Today I am taking a day to rest. I sat in bed most of the morning vegging out to some movies. I love the ability to easily move the laptop around. Today I am writing to you in the comfort of the sun, with my little Hutch stretched out beside me. It is a lovely feeling. Soon summer will be here in lovely California and it will be too hot to do this, so I am going to enjoy this while I can. I plan on reading a new book that I borrowed for the rest of the afternoon. Elixir by Hilary Duff (yes the actress from the Lizzie McGuire Series) I have read mixed reviews on it, and was not going to read it because I thought it might be a bit young, but I have decided to take a chance. I have read up on Hilary Duff and it appears she is actual become a mature young adult. I hope to find this a good read. I will let you know.
Friday, March 25, 2011
My Doctor Appointment
So I just realized that my last post somehow deleted my paragraph about my doctor appointment. I find it somewhat funny, but I do apologize. It was my intention to fill you in on my appointment.
My appointment time was set for 11:50 AM. I drove two hours to get the doctor's and arrived there at 11:30 so I would have plenty of time to fill out paper work for my new address and new insurance. I drove up and parked. It was a rainy day, so driving 2 hours had not been fun. I also hate driving long distances by myself. I also really hate driving in Fresno. The only thing I was glad about was that at least I had been there before so I knew where i was going for the most part. Also I was getting to meet with one of my friends who live in town. My plan was the visit with her after my appointment so that we would have no time limit on our visit. I opened the door and walked up to the front desk to check in. I give my name and tell them what doctor I am there to see. The receptionist searches through her files that she has pulled for the day's patients. I see a puzzled expression start to cross her face as she asks for the spelling of my name. Unable to find my file or appointment she sends me to the person receptionist of my doctor.
I go through that same process again. I give my name, my appointment time and wait. The lady searches on her computer and finally finds me.
"Oh well I have a note here written to call you and reschedule your appointment since the doctor is in surgery." Then she just sits there looking blankly at me. Like I am just suppose to be like, okay, no big deal, see you later? I am already on edge having driven through Fresno and dealing with some traffic and idiot drivers. I take a deep breathe and will myself to stay calm, and I explain.
"I just drove two hours to get here and I never got a message that reschedule." I get asked if the number they have on file is correct, it is, and then told to wait while the receptionist walks away. She comes back and asks if I am willing to stay in town until later that afternoon. Well what else am I going to do? I drove all the way here. I get rescheduled for 2:40. I walk out and call up my friend to see if I can come over now. Sadly now our time has been cut short.
I go back and arrive at 2:40, almost exactly. I have to redo almost all the paper work, even though all I changed was my address and insurance, and by all I mean, all the questions about family history and what not. I guess I shouldn't complain, because I was adopted so my family history is pretty easy to fill out, since all I write was ADOPTED across it. Still it was a pain to have to redo EVERYTHING, when all they have to do is go into their computer and change a few things. They are only going to change a few things, so why do I have to refill out everything? I sit in the waiting room until about 3:30 before I get called back. The nurse does her normal stuff, and then I sit and wait again. Finally, at 4:00 the doctor gets in. I fill him in all what has gone on my bleeding patterns, or lack of patterns, and pain levels. He asks questions, I answer, and we end with a plan! The first time in a long time I feel I am moving forward with my endometriosis. For now I will start a new medicine, after I take this medicine for a few days I will go in for an ultrasound. If my ovaries respond correctly then we will take the next step to fix my uterus to accept children. It may take a while for my ovaries to respond. I may have to change medicine or dosages, but we have a goal. Monday I will be going in and running a thyroid test and some other blood work and getting a huge write up on my hormones and lots of other stuff. This all too will be used to help figure out my dosage/medicine needs. All to say that hopefully this either leads me to become pregnant in the next few years (yes it won't be instant) or at least give a solid no answer so I can then take care of the pain part of things.
While there are still a lot of uncertainties and I am still in pain it is nice to see forward motion. I cannot take any strong pain medicine right now because of the other meds I will be starting. I may be spending a lot of days in bed, but I am finally moving forward. It may be a small plan, and I am still in a wait and see stage, but at least we are doing something and I feel like there is an end to this road now. I will be heartbroken if the end leads to no children that I have given birth to, but I do look forward to a day of no more pain. I have my wonderful husband, good friends, and most importantly an amazing God, what more do I need? God will answer my prayer to someday no longer be in pain, I have no doubt of that. For now I pray, and I try to let Him mold me into the women He longs for me to be.
Please pray for me as there are going to be side effects that may be hard to handle, there may be many times of disappointment and for the pain I will be in.
My appointment time was set for 11:50 AM. I drove two hours to get the doctor's and arrived there at 11:30 so I would have plenty of time to fill out paper work for my new address and new insurance. I drove up and parked. It was a rainy day, so driving 2 hours had not been fun. I also hate driving long distances by myself. I also really hate driving in Fresno. The only thing I was glad about was that at least I had been there before so I knew where i was going for the most part. Also I was getting to meet with one of my friends who live in town. My plan was the visit with her after my appointment so that we would have no time limit on our visit. I opened the door and walked up to the front desk to check in. I give my name and tell them what doctor I am there to see. The receptionist searches through her files that she has pulled for the day's patients. I see a puzzled expression start to cross her face as she asks for the spelling of my name. Unable to find my file or appointment she sends me to the person receptionist of my doctor.
I go through that same process again. I give my name, my appointment time and wait. The lady searches on her computer and finally finds me.
"Oh well I have a note here written to call you and reschedule your appointment since the doctor is in surgery." Then she just sits there looking blankly at me. Like I am just suppose to be like, okay, no big deal, see you later? I am already on edge having driven through Fresno and dealing with some traffic and idiot drivers. I take a deep breathe and will myself to stay calm, and I explain.
"I just drove two hours to get here and I never got a message that reschedule." I get asked if the number they have on file is correct, it is, and then told to wait while the receptionist walks away. She comes back and asks if I am willing to stay in town until later that afternoon. Well what else am I going to do? I drove all the way here. I get rescheduled for 2:40. I walk out and call up my friend to see if I can come over now. Sadly now our time has been cut short.
I go back and arrive at 2:40, almost exactly. I have to redo almost all the paper work, even though all I changed was my address and insurance, and by all I mean, all the questions about family history and what not. I guess I shouldn't complain, because I was adopted so my family history is pretty easy to fill out, since all I write was ADOPTED across it. Still it was a pain to have to redo EVERYTHING, when all they have to do is go into their computer and change a few things. They are only going to change a few things, so why do I have to refill out everything? I sit in the waiting room until about 3:30 before I get called back. The nurse does her normal stuff, and then I sit and wait again. Finally, at 4:00 the doctor gets in. I fill him in all what has gone on my bleeding patterns, or lack of patterns, and pain levels. He asks questions, I answer, and we end with a plan! The first time in a long time I feel I am moving forward with my endometriosis. For now I will start a new medicine, after I take this medicine for a few days I will go in for an ultrasound. If my ovaries respond correctly then we will take the next step to fix my uterus to accept children. It may take a while for my ovaries to respond. I may have to change medicine or dosages, but we have a goal. Monday I will be going in and running a thyroid test and some other blood work and getting a huge write up on my hormones and lots of other stuff. This all too will be used to help figure out my dosage/medicine needs. All to say that hopefully this either leads me to become pregnant in the next few years (yes it won't be instant) or at least give a solid no answer so I can then take care of the pain part of things.
While there are still a lot of uncertainties and I am still in pain it is nice to see forward motion. I cannot take any strong pain medicine right now because of the other meds I will be starting. I may be spending a lot of days in bed, but I am finally moving forward. It may be a small plan, and I am still in a wait and see stage, but at least we are doing something and I feel like there is an end to this road now. I will be heartbroken if the end leads to no children that I have given birth to, but I do look forward to a day of no more pain. I have my wonderful husband, good friends, and most importantly an amazing God, what more do I need? God will answer my prayer to someday no longer be in pain, I have no doubt of that. For now I pray, and I try to let Him mold me into the women He longs for me to be.
Please pray for me as there are going to be side effects that may be hard to handle, there may be many times of disappointment and for the pain I will be in.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Time for an Update
Well time sure does fly. I have been putting off posting for a while now. I keep thinking to myself "I will post tomorrow." Then tomorrow comes and I get busy, or I can't even get the strength to get out of bed to pick up the laptop and go back to bed. I keep thinking that I posted not too long ago, but yet that time keeps going away. Here is almost the end of March and I am finally writing. I don't even know what to write. So much has happened since my last post that I am unsure of where to even start.
I find it almost amusing the things I have learned about people through all the things I have gone through the last few months. I have shared a lot about myself on the site. A lot of my readers do not really know me, but there are some readers who do. This is why a lot of my writing doesn't not share names or clearly give exact details. I have still shared my feelings and my fears. I have opened up a lot of myself and shared things I am generally uncomfortable with. I am not a person who likes to show that I am in pain. I prefer to hid it and to not let it control my life. This pain and has taken control though, and it was time to share with people. I have stopped being social because of pain, not because I am a freak. When I can make it out and I make an effort to visit with you, I do so while in a lot of pain, even if you cannot see it. There have been a few friends I have attempted to sit down and talk to, face to face, about the issues that I am dealing with, but those so called friends just try to ignore my comments and hope I don't mention anything anymore. Some of my so call "best friends" have read my post, and yet have not said a single word to me. I mention a bad situation I am in, and those "best friends" never mention a single word to me, asking how things are going. How is it that they have fallen into the "best friend" place then? I guess when they are the only friends you have, you think they are good friends. When I moved here in October and have met new people. People who are friends, but I haven't known that long are more a friend to me. It amazes me.
These people have taken time out of their day to hang out me, to ask how things are going, and want to actually hear the truth, not just a superficial fine, so that they can complain about their problems. I guess all this has taught me what a true friend is, and that there are other people out there who think that being a friend means that same thing that I think it does. For my birthday this year, my husband had to be out of town. My new friends had a nicer little gathering for me, then my lifelong friends have ever done in my entire life, probably combined. It wasn't about doing something big and fancy, it was just about showing they cared and were my friends. That was cool. It gave me hope that it is possible to have real friends.
Since my last post my pain has grown to be almost out of control. I rarely have a moment of relief. I spent a weekend working at my old job. It was fun to get to visit with people, but it left me in a bad state of pain. My cramping got so intense it was crazy. If I hadn't had plans to get stuff done, I would have spent the next few days in bed. Instead of getting to stay in bed, I had to take my poor dog, Blu, to the vet for his last appointment. While is pain that made me want to pass out, my husband and I had to make the decision to put my dog down. It sucked. I have to make that big decision when I am so overcome with pain, while watching my dog be in pain. This was another moment in time when I realized how my "best friends" were not being real friends. I understand it is just a dog, and it was the best choice for him, and while it was sad in the moment, I am glad he doesn't have to suffer anymore, but for my friends to completely ignore the topic, that hurts. Life moves on though, and my next big event was close by, my doctor apointment.
For those of you that pray, I would appreciate them, since my husband and I are entering a new phase of my disease and have some big choices coming up. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
I find it almost amusing the things I have learned about people through all the things I have gone through the last few months. I have shared a lot about myself on the site. A lot of my readers do not really know me, but there are some readers who do. This is why a lot of my writing doesn't not share names or clearly give exact details. I have still shared my feelings and my fears. I have opened up a lot of myself and shared things I am generally uncomfortable with. I am not a person who likes to show that I am in pain. I prefer to hid it and to not let it control my life. This pain and has taken control though, and it was time to share with people. I have stopped being social because of pain, not because I am a freak. When I can make it out and I make an effort to visit with you, I do so while in a lot of pain, even if you cannot see it. There have been a few friends I have attempted to sit down and talk to, face to face, about the issues that I am dealing with, but those so called friends just try to ignore my comments and hope I don't mention anything anymore. Some of my so call "best friends" have read my post, and yet have not said a single word to me. I mention a bad situation I am in, and those "best friends" never mention a single word to me, asking how things are going. How is it that they have fallen into the "best friend" place then? I guess when they are the only friends you have, you think they are good friends. When I moved here in October and have met new people. People who are friends, but I haven't known that long are more a friend to me. It amazes me.
These people have taken time out of their day to hang out me, to ask how things are going, and want to actually hear the truth, not just a superficial fine, so that they can complain about their problems. I guess all this has taught me what a true friend is, and that there are other people out there who think that being a friend means that same thing that I think it does. For my birthday this year, my husband had to be out of town. My new friends had a nicer little gathering for me, then my lifelong friends have ever done in my entire life, probably combined. It wasn't about doing something big and fancy, it was just about showing they cared and were my friends. That was cool. It gave me hope that it is possible to have real friends.
Since my last post my pain has grown to be almost out of control. I rarely have a moment of relief. I spent a weekend working at my old job. It was fun to get to visit with people, but it left me in a bad state of pain. My cramping got so intense it was crazy. If I hadn't had plans to get stuff done, I would have spent the next few days in bed. Instead of getting to stay in bed, I had to take my poor dog, Blu, to the vet for his last appointment. While is pain that made me want to pass out, my husband and I had to make the decision to put my dog down. It sucked. I have to make that big decision when I am so overcome with pain, while watching my dog be in pain. This was another moment in time when I realized how my "best friends" were not being real friends. I understand it is just a dog, and it was the best choice for him, and while it was sad in the moment, I am glad he doesn't have to suffer anymore, but for my friends to completely ignore the topic, that hurts. Life moves on though, and my next big event was close by, my doctor apointment.
For those of you that pray, I would appreciate them, since my husband and I are entering a new phase of my disease and have some big choices coming up. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Endometriosis Awareness Month
This month, March, is Endometriosis awareness month. I designed a bracelet to support Endo. and I am wearing it. Maybe I will get brave and make more and sale them, and donate the proceeds to helping cure Endometriosis. Here is a sample of my bracelet. I have one side shown, on the opposite side it says "Know More."
I have spent time, and will continue to spend time sharing with you what Endometriosis makes me feel. You can read my blogs and other blogs and learn how it has changed our lives. You can hear about the pain it causes. The goal of today's post is to give you and understanding of what Endometriosis is, so I will let Wikipedia.org explain the medical mambo-jumbo. If you want to learn more it is very easy to look that information up with today's wonderful technology.
"Endometriosis (from endo, "inside", and metra, "womb") is a gynecological medical condition in which endometrial-like cells appear and flourish in areas outside the uterine cavity, most commonly on the ovaries. The uterine cavity is lined by endometrial cells, which are under the influence of female hormones. These endometrial-like cells in areas outside the uterus (endometriosis) are influenced by hormonal changes and respond in a way that is similar to the cells found inside the uterus. Symptoms often worsen with the menstrual cycle."(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Endometriosis)
The other pictures displayed on this page show what is being done to the inside of a woman's body as they fighting with this disease. I have more pictures of what has been done during my surgeries, but I do not full access to all my pictures at the moment, but I do believe that these chosen show you enough.
Endometriosis is a painful and lonely disease. Even though there are a lot of women in the world suffering with this, it is still scary and lonely. There are no two cases alike, and while one treatment may lessen the symptoms for one patient, it can make things worse for the other. The doctors are baffled by this disease. Us patients are annoyed and frustrated for having no cure.
I am leaving you with information and a link to an Endometriosis Research Center with hopes that you will find a way to help.
"Endometriosis is a reproductive and immunological illness affecting nearly 176 million women and girls around the world. Mistakenly stigmatized as merely painful periods, Endometriosis is far more than just "killer cramps". The far-reaching effects of this Endometriosis can negatively impact all of society. The ERC strives to make a positive difference in the lives of all those affected by the disease. The ERC is an International leader in raising Endometriosis awareness; providing education, encouragement and empowerment to all those living with this illness; facilitating global Endometriosis research efforts; and so much more." (http://www.endocenter.org)
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Painful Night
Tonight my mind is flooded of memories of my mother. I wish that my had my box of pictures right now, so that I could scan them for you too see. My mother was my hero. There are times I wonder how I made it to where I am now without her guidance. Some of you reading this were lucky enough to have met my mother, but most of you did not get to have that honor. I wonder at times why the lose of my mother is still so hard to handle at times. I went motherless at age 12, and now here I am 26, and I still desire my mother. There are times that I get an overwhelming urge to pick up the phone and call my mom and share about the joys of my marriage. I want to run to her and tell her about a horrible doctors appointment. I cannot though. There will always be dates that are etched in my mind forever, documenting her specials days. Some years they go by and I don’t even notice what that date stood for, other times I am overcome with sadness. The date of her death, the one that currently has me reminiscing is always one of the hardest dates. I have done alright the last few years, but this year it hurts. I want to talk to my mother about feelings right now. I need her advice and her strength to keep my going right now. She battled a brain tumor, and never doubted God. She had to endure so much, and yet knew the fight would still end in death. I need her guidance to help me fight and believe that it is still possible for me to have children.
Another date that is hard is her birthday. That was always such a wonderful time. My mother shared her birthday with a wonderful friend, a second mother to me and my brothers. They always shared in their celebration. It was so wonderful to see those two wonderful women glowing with their friendship. Her friend also had trouble conceiving, and of course at my young age I didn’t really understand anything that was really going on. I do know that she had two daughter she had adopted and was raising in to wonderful girls, but of course she wanted her own. My mother prayed for her for many years. I can remember the day we learned that this friend was pregnant. I do not remember the reaction of the one who was pregnant, but my mother was overjoyed. She was so happy that her friend had finally had this dream come true. This moment was just another time that I thought “I hope one day to be like her. I want to share in my friends joys just as much.”
It is nice that after the years of growing that instead of being sad about her death, I can rejoice in her life. While tonight is filled with physical pain, my brain is flooded with happiness, and I have gained the strength to make it through another night. I have an example of a wonderful Women of God who is guiding me. She showed me Jesus and save my life. In death she still lives on and guides me. Tonight in my pain, I live with hope.
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