Labor and Delivery (part 2)

I'm going to back up just a bit from where I ended off on part 1...

When I finally decided to call the on call doctor I found out that it was Dr. W, of all the doctors in the clinic this was the only 1 I did not want to deliver my baby.  I had a bad experience with him at my first OB appointment and again later when I had a kidney infection and a yeast infection later after that.  He was also on call the night I had my scare that Sam was coming early (around 30 weeks).  This dr pretty much ignored my history and acted like I was a freak who was just overly paranoid for no reason.  If I had used him solely throughout my pregnancy then I may not have made it to 36 weeks.  He didn't believe SPD was a real thing or that endo could cause any damage or pre-term labor issues, even though I had a history of loss and one thing we knew was that in some of those early losses my body had been going through labor before the baby's heart had stopped so they were not bad eggs.

We finally got seen around 4:30 and by 5 it was confirmed I was in labor.  Getting my IV in somehow was a pain.  I blame the nurse doing it because if you were to see my white arms you would clearly see my veins.  I ended up with the IV in my right hand,  Not on ideal place, but whatever, to me at this point that was minor and I had no idea that this was going to be the better part of my delivery care.

The hospital was running on skeleton crew and we only had 1 nurse the entire time.  I was asked if I wanted an epidural and/or any pain meds.  I had decided long ago that if I ever made it to delivery I was totally ok with meds because I've dealt endo and miscarriages that if I had the chance I would take some relief.  There was only one anesthesiologist in the hospital at the time and he was taking care of a c-sect patient but would be there after.  I was ok with that, at the time I was only dilated to a 2, so I had time. It was 5 o'clock or so and I was gritting though all my contractions that were quickly becoming very close together and longer and more painful.  I was sending out texts to those that needed them and updating my FB and twitter people! The nurse was in and out of the room running around and getting things ready.  I had not yet seen my doctor.  Around 6:30 she checked me again and was surprised I was already dilated to 6.  She told me the anesthesiologist would be here next and I was grateful.  My SPD was becoming very painful, more so then the contractions.  I asked her about my SPD and if Dr. W wanted to evaluate it, but she said no he wasn't worried about it (yep, he didn't care to look at my chart to see what Dr. H had updated about it).  I asked when I was going to see the dr, and was told this was my first so we had plenty of time, he wasn't even at the hospital yet.  At this point I was hit with another contraction so I was focused on my breathing and nothing more, though I was livid about what she said.  In the middle of the contraction my nurse got a call and informed me that there was an ER situation and the anesthesiologist would be a bit longer and then asked if I wanted [some pain med I don't remember].  I said yes.  She left the room once again.

My thoughts were going a million miles an hour.  Hadn't we just gone over my history on my arrival, sure this was my first live birth, but not the first time my body had been through labor.  So my body didn't need to learn what to do.  She came in w/ some pain meds just as another cntx hit.  The meds helped just a tad, but not much and she finally checked me.  I was at an 8. Once again she said this was my first so it would take awhile.  At this point I don't think I got more than about 20 sec. breaks between my cntx (my husband said I had one last for at least 8 min).  I had completely lost track of time and had no idea how much time had passed, but if I was at an 8 already it seemed it wouldn't be much longer.  I was getting anxious for the dr. to come in and evaluate my SPD.  Finally the anesthesiologist walked in and asked if I still wanted an epidural.  Yes please! My husband helped sit me up and I was given clear instructions that even if a contraction came I had to stay still.  I couldn't even get up bc I could feel my baby coming.  I told the nurse who pretty much acted like I was just a freaked out wimpy women who had no idea what was going on in delivery.  Boy was she surprised when I was fully dilated and it was time to push.  Reminder I still hadn't seen the dr.  She once again told me that it was ok, it was my first so we had time.

I begun  the process of pushing.  Pushing felt so much better! Then suddenly she told me to stop pushing (um, what?!).  She then left the room.  UM???? WHAT????!!! I was fighting with almost nonstop contractions and a baby who was determined to come out.  The nurse came back in and told me that the dr. was on his way and not to push when when it felt like I needed to.  Do you know how hard it is to stop your body from pushing out a baby that is determined to enter the world?  Its not possible I tell you.  Finally crappy Dr. W walked in.  The first time I had seen him.He slowly stood putting on his gloves and gown while he also told me its ok this is your first it will take lots of pushing.  He instructed me to push at my next contraction which had just arrived, so I pushed.  He was still putting his arm into his gown about 4 feet away from me when I said "the baby is coming!" (even though I had said it before but was ignored) and sure enough that last push got my baby out and the dr had to leap forward to catch my baby.  My husband next to me was ready to jump in when he saw what was happening. 8:59 AM was announced and I was shocked that so much time had passed, it had felt as though it had only been an hour at most.

In that moment I didn't care about the crappy care I got, or was getting as he delivered my placenta, I was just so in awe that our baby girl was here and she was healthy.  I sent my husband to the baby to.get pictures while my placenta was delivered.  He reached out to her and she grasped his finger in her little hand and she was officially wrapped around his finger!

Dr. W informed me that I did tear, but it was a good healthy tear and would heal on it's own and needed no stitches (the truth  of that to come later).  He then left. My nurse actually did do great post delivery care and for that I am grateful.  She really was a good nurse.  I tried to remind myself that it wasn't her fault my dr. was crappy or that the hospital was working with skeleton crew.  My biggest complaint for her was the lack of remembering my history and so saying insensitive things and for not believing me each time I told her to check me.  Even though every time she checked I had almost doubled my dilation so when I said baby was coming no matter what I did she should have believed me that I knew my body.

I got to spend time doing skin to skin with my baby girl and attempting our first nursing sessions.  It was a glorious time that I treasure so much.  All that crap I dealt with to get to that point was totally worth it.

The nurse helped clean me up.  I complained about how hard it was to walk but told it was normal and would heal quickly as my hips and pelvic joint goes back together.  Baby Samantha and I were bundled up and sent off to postpartum care.  The end the nightmare was over and the best was to come.  I was blissfully unaware of the issues to come from such a fast delivery and lack of real medical concern to me. My husband and I were, for the moment, just enjoying our sweet baby girl.  

Labor and Birth (part 1)

I know it's been awhile since I have posted and I apologize.  It has taken me awhile to decide what to do about Samantha's birth story.  I had convinced myself that since both of us were okay that I had no place to share any negative feelings about my experience.  After dealing with infertility for so long I lived in this bubble believing that if everything was okay and healthy that I was not allowed to complain about anything or share my real thoughts because I just needed to shut up and be grateful.  I will say that even though labor and birth were not ideal I am so incredibly thankful for my dear baby girl and that all of it was so worth having my healthy baby with us. That being said here is our story...

Friday, Jan. 10, 2014 started out fairly normal.  I woke up feeling a bit off, but I had been for awhile now.  I had been more ill feeling since she had dropped.  I had made it to 36 weeks so I was slowly upping my activity level since it was now safe if I delivered.  I had a doctor appointment to get ready for and after that I would be going in every week until I delivered! I was so amazed and grateful as I got ready. While taking a shower I realized something was a bit different feeling and come to find out I had lost that mucus plug.  I had been slowly losing it for awhile now, but I knew this time was the real thing. I still wasn't too worried because it can awhile before delivery.

My dr. app. went well. I was dilated to 1cm, so barely anything to think too much about.  I was coming back earlier the next week on wed so we would talk  more about my birth plan.  I had severe SPD and my endo and adeno had done a lot of damage to my uterus before getting pregnant that we needed to talk about my options.  There was a huge risk that if I delivered my relaxin could overproduce and I could end up with a huge issue in my pelvic joint and end up with DSP. At my next appointment my dr wanted to evaluate my gap and see what he thought.  If it was worse then we would be scheduling a c-sect.  It was not my ideal birthing plan, but I also didn't want to end up having my pelvic bones screwed together! I was sent off and told to keep being careful because my dr still wanted Samantha to cook another week!

I joined a friend for lunch.  I was feeling pretty off and uncomfortable, but I decided it was just the end of pregnancy discomforts and continued my day as planned, which only meant one quick stop before heading home and relaxing. My husband got off work and I was feeling worse and worse, but still I only figured it was normal and didn't say anything (IF really made me unable to express discomforts much).  We went to bed fairly early that night.  I kept feeling worse and worse and spent the next few hours tossing and turning.  I finally got up around 1 AM to use the restroom. I stood up, washed my hands after and started to walk back to bed when I was hit with a coughing fit (oh did I mention I had just gotten over a small lung infection of some sort and has fighting with that?) and had fluid running down my leg, still I didn't think much of it, I was pregnant and had a baby sitting on my bladder after all.  It wasn't a lot, so I continued walking to bed, more fluid fell.  Well that's kind of strange I thought.  I stood still and just waited, but nothing else happened, so I went and got some rags to clean up the small puddle shaking my head in shame at my inability to hold my bladder after I had just gone pee! I was so uncomfortable I couldn't deal with just laying in bed and by now my thoughts were racing, what if that was my water breaking? No, I thought, they always say you'll know when it happens.  I got up took a shower (yes I took a shower) and then paced around the house.  My discomfort got worse (I had been having contractions, not braxton hicks, since about 30 weeks) and I realized my normal contractions were increasing in time and in strength.  At 3 AM I decided I needed to call the doctor and wake up my husband.  I walked back to my room to get my phone and wake up my groggy husband.  I woke him up saying "I think I'm in labor." He was so confused by my use of think that thankfully he was awake and alert quickly. I called and was told to come in and get checked out.  My husband asked how much time we had, and my contractions didn't feel that bad to me and I was about 7-8 min. apart so I told him we weren't in a rush.  He got up and took a shower and then loaded up the car.  By this time I was pretty sure I was in labor.  By the time we made it to the hospital I was about 3-4 min. apart.

It was a long wait, but by about 5 AM we were finally being seen.  We hadn't called or texted anybody yet since I was unsure if I was in labor and Steven's parents were up at the cabin.  We didn't want anybody traveling down for a false alarm.  Finally we were told that yes my water had for sure broken, though by then I knew that.  We sent out all the alerts we needed to, texted, called, FB, twitter were now all aware I was in labor.  I was only dilated to 2 cm so we still had a long ways to go, or so we thought....

part 2 to come later!

She's Here

On Jan. 11, 2014 we welcomed out beautiful baby girl, Samantha Lynn into the word.  It was all a quick process about 8 hours from when my water broke to when she came.  My labor was an interesting story that honestly has some not so great moments, but the happy part is that she is here and she is safe and healthy.

The first couple weeks were a bit of challenge because Sam was still learning how to eat and she ended up going from 6lbs. 14 oz. to less than 6 lbs.  At our last appointment, which was 3 weeks after birth she was up to 6 lbs. 13 oz, so she thankfully is getting this eating thing down!  She still has her bad feedings, but they are becoming more and more rare.

Life is pretty good.  I am completely exhausted, but totally loving it, despite the moments I have where I'm frustrated because I want more sleep.  This last weekend we took our first trip with our daughter up to our old camp.  It was so amazing to watch her with all the people we love up there.  It was such a rush to watch her be held and cuddled by the parents and children I once stole cuddles with!

Once I've gained a little more sleep and worked up my bravery I will be adding her birth story.  I'm trying to decide how much I want to share and how open I want to be.  My pregnancy was a lot more dangerous then I put out on here and my labor was good and safe, but had complications including a nurse and dr. who didn't truly listen to me and my dr. literally had to lunge forward to catch my daughter even after multiple warnings that she was coming and I couldn't stop her.  For now I'm just happy we are all good and just enjoying my time with my little newborn while she is still small and cuddly.

Goal in Sight!

I apologize for not blogging much.  It's been weird to think about writing about my pregnancy.  I've had mixed feelings on what to write.  I haven't exactly had an easy pregnancy, but despite all that baby has been safe and that has been all that mattered to me.  I don't want to sound like I'm complaining so I've just not written about what has gone on at all.  I've realized that isn't right.  I should be able to express and talk about what my experience has been like without fear of being seen as ungrateful.

My nausea has never settled, but thankfully I have been able to control the vomiting part.  For that I am very grateful.  I can deal with a queasy stomach but the massive vomiting episodes were very painful and I'm glad they ended, however they are now starting to come back.  I will just appreciate the break I had and the fact that at least it's not every day.

A few days shy of 30 weeks I ended up in L&D because of bleeding & fluid loss.  While all hooked up on everything I was informed I was also having contractions.  Thanks to endo giving me a high pain tolerance I had no idea I was having any.  Everything checked out ok.  We still never got an answer to what the fluid or bleeding was, but I was sent home and put on a modified bed rest.  This was shortly before my shower, so my poor husband had to rush around to get the house cleaned all while working full time and preparing for a work trip.

My shower was wonderful. I will admit I was saddened by the fact that a lot of people didn't come simply because they didn't want to make the trip.  I had a lot of people who couldn't come because of work/sickness/other commitments and those were sad as well, but I can understand those reasons.  I was very frustrated though that so many people simply didn't want to make the drive.  The drive I have made many times for them for weddings/showers/bdays/graduations/visits/holidays.   I've never asked people to drive to see me before, but for this once in a lifetime thing I asked and they just couldn't do it.  The day of the shower came and I was able to easily let that disappointment go.  I just focused on the fact that I was surrounded by friends and family who fully love me and my family and who fully appreciated the miracle that Samantha is.

I've had a lot of aches and pains, but rarely speak openly about them.  I have this lovely SPD pain that is getting unbearable if I were to be honest.  My back spasms have been terrible and the contractions are getting to be very painful and I've been fighting with those for a long time now.  I'm so bored with not being able to do much.  I am grateful for my wonderful husband who has stepped up to help with the cooking.  I originally had a goal to make meals ahead of time to freeze so that we had some easy meals after the baby comes, but sadly that is out the picture now.  I was honestly worried about how we would deal with grocery shopping and food because my husband works many long hours, but somehow we are managing.  Thankfully his boss is also being good and understanding and has not scheduled anymore trips.  We still could use help with some cleaning and cooking, but I'm glad that for now it's at least good enough to not make my OCD brain go completely crazy.

Despite the pain I'm in I'm so happy that we've almost made it to our goal.  Our goal was 36 weeks and I'll be there on Monday.  I've lost my mucus plug today so I know that anything is possible, but I'm so glad that we've made it so far and that despite my body's many failures little Sweet Sam has held on and her stubbornness had kept her safe and sound! She our little fighter.

(I apologize because I will not be editing this post at all.  I want to make sure I document everything, even the bad pain I may have) Below I am also adding some pictures from my shower, my 3D/4D u/s and my maternity shoot so feel free to exit out of this browser now.

From my shower to celebrate our sweet Rainbow Baby!

We spent at least 30 min trying to get her to move her hands, but she wouldn't have it.  She wanted to keep her hands in front of her face.

From my maternity shoot.  Bible verse holds a special meaning for me, not just for our current situation but bc I was adopted.  We also used my mother's bible for that picture.  She was the one that first showed me this verse and told me that even though I was carried in another women's womb, God knew who my true mother was while there and formed me for this family.
The last 2 pictures are to honor the children we lost.  

Almost to Viability

We found out that we are having a...precious baby Girl!

I've hit the 23 week mark and have less than a week to hit 24 week, the viability mark.  Meaning if Baby Girl were to come into the world now she has a fighting chance at surviving and making it home.  There would still be numerous medical issues to deal with so we would rather wait a longer time, but knowing that we hit that mark will be a huge relief.

Things are going well for the most part.  I'm still suffering with sickness, but Baby Girl is not phased by it and growing well and that is all that matters.  My pulled muscles are still suffering a bit so I need to be careful.  They may not ever get a chance to fully heal as long as I'm still dealing with this sickness.  We have been working on our new house and just painted it this last weekend.  It has been hard to limit what I do to help out, but for this baby I will keep doing it.  For me the hardest part has been when I find a job I can do without hurting us my FIL will tell me to stop.  It's really sweet so I'm trying not to be angry, but basically I feel like he doesn't trust me not to put my baby in danger.  I know what my restrictions are and I will not do anything to put this pregnancy at risk and I wish they would believe me.  It would be better he works on the things I can't then to just do the silly, unimportant job I'm doing that can wait for us to move in.  We are hoping to finish the bulk of the painting the next weekend. We just have baseboards, window sills, door frames, & closets left to paint.  If we can get that done this weekend (which my husband thinks they will be able to) we will move in the next weekend.  We won't be fully set up, but at least we will be living there and can slowly work on the extra stuff there that needs done, but not necessarily before we move in.  I'll be glad of this because we can stop paying for 2 places!

For now I'm officially counting the day until we hit 24 weeks.  This the mark we have given to people to be allowed to buy things for us and for us to make decisions about nursery.  Once we hit the 24 weeks we can start getting ideas for the baby room!  I have some ideas that have been floating around, but none that I will share yet.

I'm so grateful to be here and I know I wouldn't have made it this far without the support and prayers from my friends, family, and twitter family.  Thank you all!

17 weeks and Bedrest

By some miracle this rainbow baby has been holding on.  Other than being diagnosed with Hyperemesis gravidarum (extreme nausea and vomiting) and a bladder/kidney infection things have been going well.  My activity level was strictly limited to walking or swimming only, but at least I was able to still do a lot of stuff without any complications.

Last week right around the beginning of my 17th week I had a bad evening with my vomiting.  My vomiting becomes very violent (thanks to my CVS).  After I had my episode things felt very off, my back and my stomach muscles hurt, not my normal stretching for endo pain, but not really anything crampy.  I wasn't totally freaked, but I knew something was off. Thanks to my Doppler I knew baby was still doing great, so I waited a few days, but the pain became too bad and so I had to get checked out.

I was so nervous driving to get looked at, yet I somehow felt some peace.  Thankfully once there they quickly confirmed that everything was fine with baby and so then we moved onto the problem.  It turns out that thanks to my violent vomiting episode I pulled a muscle in my back and my abs.  In most women this wouldn't even be a big deal, but because of my endo and the history of my stupid uterus wanting to contract and get rid of everything this could lead to early labor, so for now I'm on a modified bed rest regimen.  I'm not allowed on my feet for more than 30 minutes daily.  It's been frustrating, but for baby I'm willing to do anything, and thankfully my wonderful husband has been more than willing to help out.  This weekend he did laundry, washed, dried, folded, and put away!  He then washed dishes and emptied the trash.  I had to ask him to do these chores, but he did them without complaints and did them well.

Hopefully my muscles will heal quickly and I can go back to my normal limited duty which will at least allow me to do some basic around the house.  This will be very helpful because it is possible escrow is closing on Sept. 11 (oh yeah, surprise we are in escrow!) and we will be moving.  It will be very hard for me to just sit and watch everybody else do all the work in our house also there is no way I want my husband organizing our new house!

I will try to do better at updating.  That's it for now.

Wonderful News!

I'm sorry it's been awhile since I've posted, I just wasn't in a place mentally to sit and write.  My thoughts and emotions were all over the place and completely disorganized.

I'm happy to say that I'm in a much better place today and that is largely because of an amazing little miracle that has graced out lives.